Pleasure through pain
by junkiemuffin
Summary: "I wasn't a normal teenager, this wasn't normal life. I had no memories, no past to make me a somebody. But unlike the other Nobodies, I wasn't alone when it came to coping with the emptiness." Akuroku, oneshot. M for graphic sex, violence and language.


**Just an Akuroku-oneshot, happens during Roxas' Organization time. Contains graphic sex, some violence and bad language, yadda yadda. In other words, just like you want it! ;) Reviews are greatly appreciated!  
**

* * *

Heavy rain was pouring endlessly down from the dark sky, sending a steady drumming echoing through the hallways of Castle Oblivion. It drowned the sound of my footsteps on the cold stone floors as I wandered along the corridors and through ridiculously spacious halls. Lately I had picked on a habit of wandering around aimlessly in the middle of the night, either in the castle or outside. It saved me from sitting alone in my room, which really wasn't 'my' room to be exact, more like a space where I slept. There was nothing personal in it, no stuff I could claim my own, no pictures on the walls, no clothes lying around the floor like in a normal teenager's room. I wasn't a normal teenager, this wasn't normal life. I had no memories, no past to make me a somebody.

There was a hollow feeling in my chest that grew bigger every day, making me feel surreal and disorientated. I kept carrying out the missions the superior gave me, not really having anything else to do, but everything just lacked a point. I knew there was something the other Nobodies knew but I didn't, something about me. The feeling of nothingness was worst at nights and I had given up on sleeping a while ago. If this was normal life I probably would've gone insane by now, but I hadn't noticed much difference here. But unlike the other Nobodies, I wasn't alone when it came to coping with the emptiness. From day one I saw him watching me, and I knew he was following me even before he finally approached me. He had an eerie skill of finding me when I was alone.

As if on cue I heard him only seconds before I was slammed harshly against a stone wall, my face colliding with it. There was a crunching pain in my nose and something thick and warm started running down my lips and jaw. He grabbed my shoulders and turned me around so I was facing him. I didn't have time to react when he pressed a forceful kiss on my lips, pressing his body against me so I was pinned to the wall. His clothes were dripping with water, wet hair tangled and few shades darker than usually. I grabbed his arms, feeling a ripped sleeve and tattered, bloody-slick skin under my fingers. He smelled of smoke, blood and darkness. He smelled like battle.

The kiss was aggressive as usual, teeth nipping sharply at my lips and tongue trying to force itself inside my mouth. I put up a fight out of principle, not letting him dominate the kiss as I pressed my fingernails deeply into his still bleeding wounds. He growled against my lips, and pushing me higher against the wall he pressed a knee into my groin. I gasped in surprise and he used the opportunity to attack my mouth with quick slides of tongue. The blood from my nose got smeared between our lips and I tasted it in the kiss. His knee was rubbing against my groin and I was already hard, my mind in a thick haze from want and the taste of blood in my mouth. When he pressed against me I could feel his erection through his clothes. I raked my fingernails over his wounds again, at the same time biting his lip hard enough to break the skin. He broke the kiss and let out a frustrated groan, slamming me against the wall a second time. This time the back of my head collided, making my ears ring and vision swim for a second. But I knew he needed more. And I wanted it.

"Your room." I said with a hoarse voice. Wasting no time he stepped back, opened a portal and yanked me through it.

* * *

We landed straight onto my bed, my body on top of Roxas'. I immediately attacked his clothes, yanking the zipper of his leatherjacket down and almost tearing the clothes off his skinny body. When he lay there under me, naked and exposed, I felt the familiar gut-wrenching feel of want and lust. Roxas' face made him look even younger than he was, with the blonde hair and blue eyes, and to everyone else he might have appeared innocent. But I knew better. Under the boy's clothes his body was a map of various cuts, burns and bruises, some of them small and shallow, some severe enough to leave scars. I took a moment to adore the marks I had left on his body on our previous sessions, pressing my fingers against the bruises on both sides of his ribs. I felt him shiver and jerk away a little, but I knew he enjoyed the touch.

I was aware our little game was sick and twisted. In the real world a 25-year-old guy would get thrown into jail in no time for fucking a 15-year-old kid. No matter how consensual it was. Here it was a completely different story, no rules, no consequences. If I were able to feel guilt I probably would have, but the only thing controlling my actions were my physical wants and needs. And fuck, did I need this.

Roxas was getting impatient, scowling at me from under his blond bangs.

"Take off your fucking clothes." He ordered and I obeyed, discarding my wet clothes all over the floor, wincing a little when taking the jacket off my injured arm. I resumed my position over him, crouching down and scraping my teeth over his chest and down his stomach. I felt him tense and grab my hair tightly, but I teasingly skipped the part he wanted me to touch and went for his thighs instead. There was a row of relatively fresh cuts that ran along his pale skin. I scratched them with force, the scabs gathering under my fingernails and blood starting to run down his leg. He groaned, and I slowly licked the blood off his skin, savouring the almost sickening metallic taste.

The grip in my hair was tight enough to make my eyes sting and he was trying to yank my face higher. After a while I complied, first licking him up and down slowly before taking him fully into my mouth. He let out a quiet 'mmh' of pleasure, hips rolling up and both fists finding their way into my hair. Roxas was weirdly quiet when we had sex, almost like he was in some sort of trance and was afraid of making noise and waking up. But the more he hurt me, the more he was enjoying himself and wanting to get hurt in return. I gave him a final, long lick before crawling back in level with his face. His nose was a bit swollen from hitting the wall, and the sight of his bloody face made me even harder. When with him, I could sometimes feel flashbacks of emotions, remains of my previous life but now twisted into the form of anxiety, sadness and longing. No happy emotions existed here, no emotions shouldnt have existed in the first place. Maybe that was the reason I had felt incredibly drawn to the kid from the first time I laid my eyes on him. He was my excuse to reminisce something I could never have again. Or maybe I was just a sick fuck who liked to bang little boys. Either way, I had given up on reasoning a long time ago, and decided to do as I pleased and take what I wanted.

"What the fuck are you waiting for?" Roxas growled, and before I could answer he flipped us over so he was straddling my waist.

* * *

I looked down at Axel, scraping my nails over the muscles in his chest, pressing myself hard against his groin. He squeezed my thighs hard enough to leave red marks, and reached for my erection.

"Don't touch me!" I hissed, batting his hand away and holding it firmly against the mattress. He growled, but submissed when I levelled my head with his groin and took him into my mouth in turn. I coated him slowly with my saliva, making him groan in heat and frustration and to buck himself deeper into my mouth. I got up again and used my free hand to rub over his wounds, savouring the pained growls he made in his throat. Using the blood-saliva mix as a decent lubricant I settled on top of him, now locking both of his arms in my grasp. He was looking up at me behind half-closed lids, sweat already gathering on his forehead and in the hollows of his collarbones. He was almost trembling with anticipation, and I couldn't help but to flash a devious grin just for feeling so triumphant. He chuckled darkly.

"You're just fucking loving this, aren't you kiddo?" I grinned and leaned in to whisper in his ear.

"Oh yes I fucking do, but don't call me a kiddo_, pedophile_. Would a kid do this?" I murmured quietly, as I lowered myself and let him sink into me completely, my grin changing into a pained grimace before I adjusted to the invasion. He arched his back a little and let out a low hiss of pleasure. I went for a hungry, sloppy kiss, his hot breath brushing against my face as I started to move my hips in a painfully slow rhythm. His hands found my hips, thumbs digging into my hipbones, trying to pull me closer. I chuckled.

"What? Wan't some more?" I asked in a husky voice, pressing my hot forehead against his. He tried to give an amused snort, failing miserably as I teasingly thrusted my hips harder against his. I rose up and picked up a faster pace, watching Axel close his eyes and move his hips to meet mine, the still rain-wet hair sticking to his forehead and drenching the sheet. In a moment of impulse, I let go of his arms and wrapped my fingers around his throat. Axels eyes shot open, watching me with a mixture of arousement and hesitation, not sure how to react. I gave him a lopsided smile, daring him to stop me as I shifted a little so he was sinking even deeper into me. He let out a weird, guttural growl, his throat resonating against my fingers and I tightened my grip, grinding hard against him. I felt my own hair going damp from sweat and sticking to my face, salty drops stinging my eyes. My gaze never left Axel's, his green eyes darkened and filled with unreadable expression. I was holding his throat so hard his breath was only a ragged pant now, his eyes starting to turn bloodshot. He clawed at my wrists, but not really hard enough to try and pry them off. I could feel myself coming closer to the edge from just the sight of the older man writhing under me, completely under my power. I could propably kill him if I wanted to before he even realised what was happening. My erection throbbed painfully and, unable to touch it, I repositioned myself again so I could get more friction from the sweat-slick motions of our bodies. Axel's breath suddenly hitched in his throat, eyes rolling back he arched forcefully and I felt him come inside me, going so deep my vision almost went black from the intensity. I came all over us at the same time, my grip around his throat loosening as my body sagged on top of him. I lay on his chest, trying to catch my own breath, his skin burning against my own. The scent of him was overwhelming now, smouldering my thoughts into oblivion.

After a while our sweat started to cool down and feel clammy and unpleasant, and I slowly moved so Axel slipped out of me. Lifting myself with shaky arms I realised how still and quiet Axel was, and I studied his unconscious face. His chest was still rising slightly so I hadn't really strangled him, but the angry red marks forming around his throat showed the actual force I had held him.

I lifted my arm, slapping him across the face with a loud smack. His head lolled to the side but he remained still. I repeated the motion, this time harder. He let out a racking cough and a wheezing breath before his eyes slowly fluttered open. He looked up at me, unfocused and confused, before drawing in another long, ragged breath.

"Oh _shit. _I swear I've never come that hard in my life, past or present," he croaked, breaking into another fit of coughing, rubbing his abused neck. I laughed, amused.

"So it's true what they say, about the moment of euphoria?" Axel hummed, spent.

"Fuck yeah."

This was the part when I started to feel uneasy and awkward. In the real world, between real lovers, now was the time to show affection and sleep together after some nice sex. What are you supposed to do when you've had rough, bloody sex with a man 10 years older, almost strangling him in the process? I resorted in the most logical thing to do, getting off the bed and heading for the bathroom to take a shower. I was covered in blood, sweat and semen, the mess starting to dry and making my skin feel disgustingly grimy. I heard Axel groan behind me when he took a look at his bed for the first time.

"Looks like someone got slaughtered in here!" I heard him complain to himself as I closed the door behind me and stepped in the shower, turning the water so hot it almost burned my skin when hitting it, washing away the remains of our sick performance. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead against the cool tiles. The hollow feeling was slowly creeping back. The physical act always managed to push it somewhere in the back corner of my mind, but it always struck back even harder than before. I felt nauseous and dizzy, clenching my fists against the wall, wishing I had _something_ real to grasp, anything that wasn't just make-believe and fleeting.

I jerked hard when strong arms wrapped around me from behind and I was pulled against Axel's much taller body. My own body tensed and I felt the urge to fight against his touch that was way too affectionate, way too _caring _when I knew there couldn't possibly be any real emotion behind it. His hair brushed against my shoulders as he pressed his mouth against my ear. I shivered uncontrollably, feeling like something was about to break inside my rapidly breathing chest.

"It's all gonna be ok for you." Axel whispered in my ear, his voice sending jolts of electricity through my body.

"W-what?" I stuttered, cursing my voice which seemed to be in the brink or breaking.

"This is not real, pretend it's just a dream, soon you'll wake up again." Axels hands travelled slowly up my body and stopped on my chest, right where my heart should've been. The words didn't make sense to me but felt strangely soothing, his palm was hot against my skin, and slowly I noticed myself relaxing against him. The warmth radiating from him spread through my chest and reached every corner of my body. My erratic breathing slowed down and I closed my eyes, sighing deeply. There it was again, the musty, smouldering scent, paralyzing my body and invading my mind. Only this time I didn't want to fight against it but get lost in it. Axel's lips moved against my ear, I could barely hear his silent words through the drumming of the water.

"If I could, I would fall in love with you, Roxas."

* * *

**Uh, sappy romantic ending, what's gone into me?**


End file.
